Someone felt the need today to reach out to me after I posted my swelfie on Instagram. A good friend, who I am not upset with…but baffled! She asked me when I would learn to love myself as I am and when I would be “fit enough”. She said she doesn’t understand why I still workout every day and eat the way I do.
WOW!!!! Am I not doing a good enough job of explaining my lifestyle? Do my friends not know my heart well enough? I think I’m pretty transparent. But let me be clear. I’m the farthest thing from selfish or vain. Yes, I want to look decent and have confidence in myself. I know what it’s like to shy away from social situations ashamed of my body. I know what it’s like to constantly wear a jacket and tug at my pants and shirt trying to make sure everything is covered up and tucked into place so I look as presentable as possible. I still LOVED myself. I still knew I was a fantastic person. I still knew I would show up for a friend AT ANY HOUR FOR ANY REASON!!! I love to help strangers in any way I can. I am a bleeding heart. I donate WAY more to all sorts of causes and funds than I can actually afford to. If I love you, I will stop at NOTHING to help. I’ve picked up extra hours or odd jobs to help my loved ones before. I’ve labored and toiled and learned new trades to help. I’ve sacrificed sleep, I’ve literally put in blood, sweat, and tears for my loved ones. I’ve risked illness and injury. I’ve never regretted it. I LOVE people. I want to be someone you can count on in a crisis. Whether it’s physical, financial, emotional, or spiritual. I want to be of some service, in some small way. I wish I could do more! Do my friends not know this about me???
I am NOT pushing play every day and pounding the pavement for some number on a scale, a bikini, any title, a number on the barbell, or I don’t know…a clothing size. I am doing it to make me a STRONGER, HEALTHIER, BETTER PERSON. One who will be around for YEARS to come. One who has 60 more years of giving, loving, and helping in me. That’s why I try to limit the poisons I put into my body. Yes, guys…we are literally poisoning our bodies with chemicals and sugars! That’s disgusting. I’m not punishing my body for not looking “perfect” I’m thrilled with how far I’ve come. I’m happy to have been in the same size for the past 7 years. I’m thrilled with how much faster and stronger I am than I once was. I work hard to keep my body HEALTHY! I don’t want to age beyond my years. I don’t want heart disease or diabetes. I want to HELP those who suffer from these issues, not be the one looking for help! I LOVE HEALTH AND FITNESS. I’M PASSIONATE ABOUT IT!!! No, I’m not trying to lose weight or get smaller. Yes, I want my guns to be a little bit bigger. Yes, I would love more defined abs and less cottage cheese on the back of my legs…but that’s not what I’m focused on when I get out of bed in the morning. That’s not what I’m focused on when I lace up and hit the road. That’s not what I’m focused on when I’m lifting with the Beast, doing burpees with Tony & Autumn, jumping into the air with Shaun T, or bending over backward with Chalene. That’s not what I will be focused on when I’m punching out obstacles in the winter with Joel & Jericho. I’m focused on being here for a LONG time and being ABLE to give back.is who you are meant to be. NOTHING wrong with wanting to lose a certain number of pounds (As long as it’s healthy, and I find when talking to clients, it usually is), nothing wrong with wanting to be able to curl 30 pounds, nothing wrong with wanting to look good in a bathing suit, or have your wedding dress taken in. When I pressed play on P90X 7 years ago…weight loss WAS the goal. I wanted to pass my PT test and STOP being counseled every month for being overweight by the Army standard, I wanted to be a thinner bride! I achieved those goals and then some! That’s no longer where I am AT THIS POINT IN MY JOURNEY!
Let me also be clear in saying THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THOSE GOALS. There is NO shame in wanting to be a certain size that you feel
I’m lucky enough to have been blessed with an abundance of love in my life. My family and friends mean everything to me. I just feel compelled to pay that love forward. I know not everyone is as fortunate but I also know that we are each the master of our own destiny. So no, I’m not punishing myself. No, I won’t ever quit working out almost every day. NO, I won’t quit nourishing my body to the best of my ability. I like the feeling of healthy. I like being able to run and jump when someone asks me to. I like being able to carry heavy things for pregnant friends, injured strangers, or older family members.
And no, I don’t hate myself. I LOVE myself! I’m very proud of being a good person. I’m not perfect and yes, I have goals. Physical, spiritual, emotional, and financial. I want to help way more than I do now. I let myself and others down sometimes. I’m human. Of course I struggle with the same issues of body image, confidence, and self worth as every person and especially every woman, but at the end of the day…I AM ENOUGH AS IS…but that doesn’t mean I can’t be better! That doesn’t mean I can’t contribute MORE. Yes, I work hard…not because I am unhappy with who I am, but because I know what I’m capable of. Because I believe God put me here for a reason! I believe the same for you!